restlessness

it's 2:30 a.m. and here i am sitting at the computer. i am having some late-night restlessness which has resulted in a couple of emails to some of you overseas friends and a catch-all blog for everybody.

we just sang a song in church on sunday about how our hearts are restless until they find their home in God and i was thinking about that, but then feeling a bit sad because i want to be settled and find rest in God. sometimes different thoughts, feelings, memories, etc. wash over you and drench you in this soggy blanket of thick and unsettled turbulence--does that make sense?

i think part of the restlessness comes from deep pangs of yearning for west africa. i don't know why, particularly? i mentioned it in the previous blog, but different circumstances have compounded that desire:
1. the world cup--3 west african nations have played in the last couple of days (ghana, ivory coast and togo) and yes i did watch both the togo and ghana games.
2. the blacklocks--there was a group dinner at kerbey lane tonight for brian and mica and i sadly didn't get to visit with them too much, but did get to hear some stories from their time in india.
3. anniversaries--at this time 6 years ago i was in burkina faso, this summer also marks 10 years (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) since i left for france.

so there it is. maybe just a desire for adventure, the same wanderlust that periodically stirs my blood, maybe it's just part of the inexplicable way that God has made me, maybe it's my own discontentment that can tempt me away from the good things that God has here for me...i don't know. i don't feel any great desire to take on the trials of actually living in burkina faso, just the desire to have contact abroad once more, just to dip in to the pool, remember what it's like, fan the flames for prayer or the future, or prayer about the future. i have no real desire to leave friends and family, to go live with the extra-extra large cockroaches, to take small children into a land of parasites and malaria (or myself for that matter), but then when i read elisabeth elliot i am challenged with the theme that often surfaces in her writing---isn't it all worth it if God is in charge? can't i just continue to be willing, either to go or to stay? maybe that's it--i have to fight more just to be willing, willing to be more than a tourist....